


You've Got Me.

by whatisthistho



Series: Save me, I don't know what I'm doing anymore. [1]
Category: One Direction (Band), Zayn Malik (Musician)
Genre: Bullying, Harry is a bad friend, Help me with tagging., I'm really bad at tagging., M/M, Mentions of Rape, Sophia is a bad girlfriend, Suicidal Thoughts, Suicide Attempt, Sweet Zayn, protective!zayn, sad!liam, semi graphic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-02-14
Updated: 2016-02-14
Packaged: 2018-05-20 14:49:55
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con, Underage
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,407
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6012343
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/whatisthistho/pseuds/whatisthistho
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>He took a step closer to the edge of the pier, peering down over the railing before pushing himself up and over it, his hands holding onto the railing that was now behind him. He’d thought about this so many times. So many different ways to do it – but none appealed to him but this because well – Liam couldn’t swim.</p>
<p>Or - Liam is spiraling and Zayn wants to save him.</p>
            </blockquote>





	You've Got Me.

**Author's Note:**

> Unbata'd. All mistakes are mine.

A slow, bitter laugh left his slightly chapped lips. Of course this would happen to him – why wouldn’t it? He’d been disappointed so many times in his nineteen years of life that it was almost like second nature to him at this point. He’s not surprised, not at all. The one good thing to ever happen to him was ripped away from him, for what? A drunken night with too many drinks, too many warm bodies and no control. Liam lost his girlfriend to someone who only took ten minutes to convince her that he would be better for her. But again, Liam wasn’t surprised. It fucking hurt, though. They were together for almost two years and even when he caught them in bed together after looking for her, she didn’t have the decency to look guilty.

 

Liam was used to disappointment.

 

He grew up in an unconventional way. His mother and father didn’t want him when he was born, said they couldn’t be held down by a child so he was bouncing around from home to home, except – it wasn’t foster homes. Instead, it was his parents “friends” and when they decided playing mommy or daddy was too much for them, he’d be passed on to another couple or person his parents knew. He hardly saw his parents, too and when he did, they’d say he was too chubby.

 

He was only five years old.

 

He tried though. He tried hard to gain his parents, his actual parents, affection. Whether it was on mother’s day or father’s day, Christmas, thanksgiving, their birthdays but all his cards, home made presents and crinkly-eyed smiles went unnoticed.

 

When he was twelve, that’s when he stopped trying and his smiles didn’t quite reach his eyes. He stopped writing cards and making presents, he just stopped. He never even had that one friend he could go to when he was upset and honestly, he didn’t want one.

 

He remembers one time; it was one of the many people he lived with throughout his life, where he genuinely thought the man loved him like a son. He’d stayed with him the longest – six months. He was what? Eight? The man made Liam feel safe, protected and loved.

 

That was until he came home drunk one night and laid himself in Liam’s small bed. He caressed his cheek while he slept and the soft menstruations woke Liam. He wasn’t scared, though. He knew this man cared about him. Or he thought so until he felt the mans hand moving down his tummy and into his pajama bottoms. Liam had tried to squirm away but the man had cupped him, tightening his grip when Liam tried to move.

 

That was the first time he realized he couldn’t trust anyone.

 

That became a reoccurring event. Almost every night, the man would slip into Liam’s room, fondly him while touching himself. Liam didn’t even know what to do but lay there. He was eight after all. He didn’t like it and in that moment, Liam had never hated his parents more.

 

The man never fully entered Liam, knowing he was too small to take him. Liam was glad for that, but it didn’t stop him from turning him around, pulling his pants down and sliding his cock between his small cheeks, slick with spit. The man would rut against him, moaning above him while Liam laid there motionless, having to let the man do what he wanted to him.

 

When he got bolder, the man would circle a wet digit against his entrance, dipping the nail into him before circling it again. Liam would press his face against the pillow, almost wanting to suffocate himself, especially when the man pushed his finger into him half way. That became the mans new favorite thing to do. Liam would whimper into his pillow, hot tears flowing down his cheeks and he wouldn’t stop. He’d finger him until Liam was loose enough to add a second finger.

 

Liam didn’t know what was happening to him.

 

When Liam was eleven, his first real orgasm is stolen by this man and also lost his virginity. He remembers it clear as day as he stood there, looking out at the vast amount of water.

 

_Liam was lying in bed, staring at the digital clock on his bedside table. It was 10:58 p.m. and he knew the man would be coming into his room soon. He was still young, but he knew that whatever the man was doing to him was wrong, knew that he wasn’t suppose to be touched down there by anyone until he was older and allowed someone to. He knew that this man was sexually assaulting him at night. He knows because he asked someone on the streets the other day, what it meant for someone to touch him and him not wanting it. It didn’t shock Liam when they answered and walked away. It didn’t shock him that they didn’t hear his cry for help. He was nothing, after all._

_At 11:00 p.m. The man walked into the room, pushing off his pants with practiced ease and slipped into bed with Liam._

_“Liam, love. We’re going to do something different today, okay?”_

_Liam didn’t answer verbally, only nodded his head because he remembered the last time he tried to protest. The bruises seem to have been permanently etched into his skin._

_The man pulled Liam’s clothes off, turned him around and spread his legs after pulling him up until he was on all fours. Liam’s heart was racing in his chest, pounding away because he knew what was coming and he was so scared._

_The man lubed up three fingers and brushed them over his puckered hole and he tensed until he got use to it. He’d gotten use to it over a year ago._

He’s snapped out of his thoughts at the sound of the waves crashing against the thick, concrete posts that held up the pier. A forlorn smile tugged up on his lips and he shook his head, digging his hands into his pockets even deeper.

 

_“You’re a faggot, how the hell did you keep a girlfriend for so long? You know she told everyone you were fucking your father when you were eight.”_

 

_“I’m tired of you. Leave.”_

_“Who the fuck does he think he is? He’s disgusting.”_

_“Why hasn’t he offed himself yet? Clearly no one wants him.”_

Liam laughed, laughed loud and bright, the sound echoing a bit. He genuinely didn’t know what he did to deserve the life he’d gotten. Why life dealt him a shit hand of cards but this was what it was and this was what he needed to deal with. Liam never complained though, he was alive and breathing. That was all he needed until now. Now, he didn’t care.

 

He shrugged off his jacket, not even shivering as the cold wind hit his skin.

 

_“Liam, look. I’m sorry but everyone been giving me shit for talking to you and you know why I moved to this new town. I can’t have everyone hating me again. You’re a great person and an even greater friend, but I can’t. I’m sorry.” Harry murmured, a sad expression on his face right before he stood up from where he was sitting beside Liam and walked away. He walked right to the table with all the guys in their school that hated him._

_Liam didn’t have the heart to be upset about it._

_He knew what it felt like and didn’t want Harry to suffer because of him._

That was three years ago and since then Harry had taken to throwing snide remarks at him along with his friends. He’d been reduced to an ugly version of himself and Liam was sad for him. Sad because he became the person he was running from.

 

He was glad when high school ended and he’d graduated. He figured college would be different but it wasn’t. He couldn’t catch a damn break. He couldn’t catch a break when he’d found his parents again, except it was because the authorities were contacting him to let him know that they were now deceased. Liam didn’t cry, he didn’t feel anything. He was indifferent.

 

Liam was living in a shelter from the time he turned eighteen and moved out of _the mans_ house. He couldn’t do it anymore. He couldn’t let him fuck him whenever he wanted any more. He couldn’t, _refused to_ , pleasure the mans friends when they were drunk.

 

Liam hated himself in the worst ways. He was just a child when it began and he’s not selfish enough to say it wasn’t his fault. It was easier to blame himself then it was to blame the ones who’d taken advantage of him and try to figure out why they did it.

 

He took a step closer to the edge of the pier, peering down over the railing before pushing himself up and over it, his hands holding onto the railing that was now behind him. He’d thought about this so many times. So many different ways to do it – but none appealed to him but this because well – Liam couldn’t swim.

 

He didn’t want to kill himself because of his now ex girlfriend. He wanted to because he was just _tired_. No one in the world cared about him. No one gave him a second look.

 

Liam was alone in the world and he’d come to terms with it a long time ago. Except, he moves one hand off the railing to reach into his jeans pocket, pulling out a single letter and opens it carefully so it doesn’t slip out of his hand. He reads over the words, once, twice, three times before tears fill his dull eyes.

 

He wasn’t alone but where was he?

 

 

Zayn watched from where he was standing, he’d followed Liam because he just knew something was wrong. He could feel it in his gut, in his heart and in his soul that if he didn’t, he’d never see Liam again.

 

He remembers the first time he saw him.

 

_Zayn was excited when he learned that his neighbor had a boy his age. He was finally going to have someone to play with._

_He was looking forwards to seeing the little boy and asking him to play with his action figures with him._

_You could imagine the disappointment when his mother told him he wasn’t to play with the child next door because his father was rude and said ugly things._

_Zayn didn’t understand what that had to do with the little boy but he listened to his mother all the same._

_That is until Zayn looked out his window and saw Liam sitting on the balcony, his legs pulled up to his chest and sad eyes. They were eight and Zayn was scared Liam would fall so he opened the window._

_“Hey!”_

_Liam looked up with carefully blank eyes._

_“You shouldn’t be out there by yourself, you could fall.”_

_Liam nods, giving the boy a small smile before resting his cheek against his knees._

_Zayn frowned when he didn’t move or even speak and he sighed._

_“I’m Zayn, and you look sad.”_

_Liam nods._

_“I was told not to talk to you.”_

_Liam nods again._

_“But I want to be your friend. You look like you could use one.”_

_Liam sniffles, nodding again._

From that day, Zayn had wanted to protect the boy. He wanted to tell him that he didn’t have to be sad all the time. But Zayn had gotten in trouble because his mother found him talking to Liam that night and she put child safety locks on the windows.

 

Zayn and Liam were fourteen the next time they saw each other. Zayn never understood why Liam never left the house, or why he never saw him anymore. He knew he lived there still though. He found out what had happened one day in school.

 

_“I heard he went to the bad public school a town over and they kicked him out because he got beat up too much.”_

_“I heard he was beating people up. Why would they let him come here for high school, it’s stupid.”_

_“You’re all idiots, his father sent him to that school because it was closer to his job. Now Liam is old enough to get to school on his own so, he let him come to this school. I heard him telling the teacher in second period.”_

Zayn wanted to talk to Liam then, wanted to ask him how he’s been but Liam avoided everyone gaze and kept his head ducked while he was walking.

 

_“Zayn, why don’t you just talk to him instead of staring at him so much?” Louis asked, nudging him a bit with an exasperated sigh._

_“I don’t know. He doesn’t seem approachable. He’s always so to himself.”_

_“Everyone talks shit about him, that’s why. I feel bad for him. I don’t think he’s as bad as people say he is.”_

_Zayn nods, because he doesn’t think so either. Not when he could still see the sadness from eight year old Liam’s eyes in fourteen year old Liam’s eyes ten fold._

He felt like he could have helped Liam. He felt like he should have gotten the balls to talk to him when he knew Liam needed someone the most but Zayn was painfully shy back then. It wasn’t until he was sixteen that he started becoming known as one of the “badasses” in school because he smoked behind the building and had tattoos and a shit load of friends older than him.

 

Liam never looked at him after that and the one time Zayn brushed past him in the halls, Liam flinched. Zayn still remembers the look of terror in Liam’s eyes when their eyes met.

 

_“Dude, did you hear what Sophia was saying about Liam?”_

 

_Zayn shook his head, looking up at Louis curiously. “What?”_

_“She’s telling everyone Liam was fucking his father since he was eight.”_

_Zayn’s eyebrows furrowed and he felt his heart sink in his chest. Liam. Eight years old. The look of sadness in his eyes._

_“Christ, Lou. Don’t tell anyone that, don’t spread it. I don’t think he was willingly doing it.”_

_“You think his father was sexually assaulting him?” Louis asked, brows furrowed as well._

_“I remember how sad he use to look. You’re not sad if you’re willing, Lou.”_

_Louis nodded in understanding, nibbling his lower lip as his blue eyes searched the cafeteria for Liam._

Zayn knew he should have done something, should have spoken to him but he was watching out for him whenever he could, from the shadows.

 

_(1)_

_“After school, we’re gonna get Liam. The faggot thinks he can get away with not answering my question this morning.”_

_Zayn’s gaze cut to the kid, narrowing at him. “Problem, Malik?” The kid asked, smirking._

_He stood up and padded over to him, shoving him back against the wall with a deadly look in his eyes. “You’re going to leave Liam alone. I swear to god, if I hear he’s hurt, I won’t hesitate to kick your short, skinny arse.”_

_(2)_

_They were at a party and Sophia had her arms around someone that wasn’t Liam and was ranting about how boring Liam was and how nervous he always got. She told everyone everything Liam told her. All his secrets even after spilling that one about Liam and his father. Zayn clenched his jaw and spoke from where he was standing._

_“Sophia. You’re a bit pathetic, aren’t you? Weren’t you the one people were bullying when you were twelve? Wasn’t Liam the first person to actually be nice to you when you moved here? You should be ashamed of yourself for the shit you’re saying about him. If anyone is wrong here, it’s you. You spread your legs for someone you don’t know and incase you didn’t know. He spends his free time getting his dick sucked by Harry.”_

_Zayn spoke easily, smirking when Harry turned his glare on him. He raised an eyebrow challengingly._

_“Want me to start on you too, Harry? About how again, Liam was your friend when you first got here but you didn’t bother to keep him as a friend when the “cooler kids” wanted you in their group? Or should I talk about how you were bullied for being gay in your old school and you came here to get away from it but turned into the bully himself?”_

_Zayn’s eyes were hard, unwavering as he looked at Harry who at least had the decency to look guilty._

_“You’re all a bunch of dumb fucks that don’t realize what you’ve been doing to someone who tries to be nothing but good. You don’t know his life; you don’t know what he’s been through. You all just turned your backs on him to fit in when Liam didn’t care about the rumors that followed you to our school. Pathetic, the lot of you.”_

_“You’re not even his friend, why are you standing up for him? You’re one to talk, Zayn.” Harry hissed._

_Zayn chuckled, nodding his head. “You’ve got it wrong. He’s not my friend. But that’s only because he’s terrified of anyone stepping close to him. I tried. But even if he’s not my friend, I’m his whether he knows it or not. I’ve been looking out for him since he stepped foot in this school. Not one of you fuckers could dare touch him if I have anything to say about it.” Zayn said, voice raising the angrier he got._

_“Zed, come on.” Louis voice pulled Zayn out of his angry haze and he nodded, downing the last of his drink._

_“You two were the only two that meant something to him and you left him like he was nothing.” He said, shaking his head before turning and walking out of the room with Louis behind him._

_“You know, I didn’t know about Harry and Liam being friends before. Also didn’t know he was sucking someone else’s dick.” Louis said as they got into the car._

_“Yeah.”_

_(3)_

_“Dear Liam,_

_You probably don’t remember me, but I just wanted you to know that someone does care about you. I wish you’d let me get close to you, so I can show you that not everything and everyone in life are shit. I just wanted you to know that you’re beautiful and you have a beautiful smile even though you don’t show it often. You’re so smart and you try so hard to get people to accept you but no one understands. But you’ve got me, and my best friend. You’ve got us. Keep your head up, love. You have to hit rock bottom before starting for the top again._

_Love, Zayn.”_

When Zayn saw Liam climb over the railing, he bit down on his lower lip hard and his legs moved on their own accord.

 

“Liam.” Zayn’s voice was soft, so he wouldn’t startle the boy.

 

Liam’s head whipped around and he grabbed onto the railing again, crumpling the letting in his palm as he did. Liam’s eyes were wide and scared and it was the first time Zayn saw any other emotion in those beautiful eyes though the sadness was more than evident.

 

Liam sniffled and let out a heart-wrenching sob that caused tears to fill Zayn’s eyes. He took a tentative step towards him, extending his hand out to him.

 

“S’okay, Leeyum. Come on, yeah? Don’t do this.” Zayn whispered for Liam’s ears only. His hand was able to reach other and touch Liam’s shoulder and Liam’s cheeks were soaked with tears.

 

“I can’t, I can’t do it Zayn. Please, just let me. _Please._ ” Liam begged between hiccups, breaking Zayn’s heart in the process.

 

“I can’t let you. I told you, you’ve got me.” He says after noticing the note in the others hand. “Let me help you, I promise everything will be okay.”

 

For a second, Zayn thought Liam was going to ignore him but then Liam carefully turned around, sniffling and hiccupping and Zayn helped him over the railing again and pulls him into a tight hug, letting Liam sob into the crook of his neck while he rubbed soothing circling into his back. “It’s okay, it’s okay. You’re going to be okay.” He whispered, closing his eyes.

**Author's Note:**

> I'm not sure if I want to make this a chaptered fic or a series. Let me know?


End file.
